Thank you, Steve, for honestly sharing your heart and your journey. The seasons are a beautify image of change; but you demonstrate that there is a cycle in life, and God has granted you more than one pass through the spiritual seasons. I fully understand your need, in this present season, "to prune back what doesn't fit." There is need for much pruning the the Church today, and your quest for discernment sharpens a powerful tool for cutting away what does not promote unity (the essentials) and charity (all things).
Like you, many of us are hearing Henri Nouwen's call to be IN the church but not OF the church. That is as important as being IN the world but not OF it, as well as not bringing the world IN to the church. Also, many resonate with Karl Rahner's call to mysticism, worshiping with an understander that - despite our gifts and abilities - our minds will never be great enough to understand God's mind. We live in mystery, never able to know everything about everything around us, and certainly never able to put the true God in a box that we can open or close at our whim.
The markers of liturgy, reverence, and tradition are equally important - for me, more and more all the time. In my earlier years of trying to "understand" all things, these markers seemed distracting and inefficient. Now that I know man will never eat from the tree of all understanding, I find the markers to be comforting. It is hard to comprehend that God became man, but it is harder to accept that man will never become God. Once we do, however, we will truly understand the meanings of and the need for "sanctuary."
Your words are provocative, meaningful, and very deeply appreciated!
I'm glad you wrote this Steve. I've watched you closely through these changing seasons. I remember vividly when you began meeting with Father Tim for direction. You and I would meet for lunch at Fusion Japan restaurant and talk about it. During that year, you testified of the deconstruction going on in you. I was curious where that deep mining of your soul would lead you. It seemed risky, yet intuitive. It's interesting to see what you have listed here as Markers. Each one resinates with me and gives such good language to the thoughts and feelings I have had over there years about being an American Christian. Your influence on me and Natalie over the years has been catalyzing for us to take courage and move toward these Markers ourselves. It's like you were a trail guide saying: "Look, I see something. Let's pay attention and be curious together." We dipped our feet in mystery, liturgy, corporate confession, robes & stoles, tradition instead of strategy, 15 (or 20) minute homilies, shoulder-to-shoulder with others who were coming together from many streams looking for the primary current. We have been sitting in the "sanctuary" discovering reverence a new!
In 2023, I was captivated by Aaron Niequist's podcast The Eternal Current, based on his book detailing how the ancient practices of the Church have become the saving foundation for his Faith. He essentially says the Markers you have identified are centuries proven ways to remain grounded as followers of Jesus.
During this recent Advent season, a friend of ours shared a devotional guide touring all the prophecies in the Old Testament that pointed to the coming Messiah. Putting new attention to these prophesies has been invigorating for me because they solidify the Biblical message of preparation for and fulfillment of God's plan to unify us with Jesus (Yeshua). Then, during the week between Christmas and New Years, my father-in-law asked if I had seen the television series The Chosen. He talked about how well the actors bring the New Testament to life and how a non-believing friend of his sat and watched the entire series with him week-after-week. They were captivated by it. So, I began to watch it and immediately found a renewed sense of love for the Gospel rising in me. Natalie and I are watching it in one or two episode increments with our teen children now. Here's the thing... When you watch Jesus interact with the people around him and the context of the miracles he performed, it absolutely shatters "rational attempts to understand the chaos around us and within us." Each time Jesus encountered people, he looked at them with such tender care. His compassion to any and every kind of person just doesn't make sense in our politically broken world. You nailed it Steve. Mystery is everything when it comes to faith. Last night I watched Jesus sit down with Nicodemus under the darkness of night and answer his desperate questions to understand what is going on. (Here is a link to view the scene: https://youtu.be/_p2XIUK9VgA?si=NTtzqnr1GejDJ-3R) It broke me listening to a highly religious man, who embodies the rigidity of human attempts to please God, melt in the arms of Jesus when he realized he was experiencing the mysterious presence of the Holy! Steve, you described this so well: "We need something primal. We need something beyond our mind to help us understand, accept and worship in humility–not out of giftedness, pride and accomplishments. There comes a time when the soul will not settle for anything less than wonder and awe. I no longer need for everything to be explained. I need to experience the Holy."
As we roll into 2024, I think these Markers provide anchors for us. I am feeling new shoots springing up from the dry ground. The world is so desperately broken and in need of hope. What we are discussing here feels life giving and hopeful.
I love it that you have written your very own Substack. I subscribe! We all will if you’ll do it. I’m in! You have the language to speak this truth. Don’t keep it for yourself. Give and it will be given. So how do I subscribe to your soul pondering?😎
Steve. ... on my second reading and it will be a third and more! Thank you so very much for sharing your journey...Every word resonates we me. Each reading reveals more of me of my journey... Appreciate you more than you will ever know❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🤦🏼♀️
Nancy, one of the reasons for me wanting to write here is to prove deca space to allow folks to reflect on their own journey and life. I’m so glad you’re here with me. Thank you!
Thank you for this, Steve. It took me three installments to read through (a lot to take in). I have been in winter for a while but I think 2024 could finally be the start of spring.
yes yes... my winter season too! so so similar to my journey. grew up in fundy Baptist, came alive in university college group, then on staff with that group that became very quota oriented - how many gospel presentations, how many prayed the prayer, how big your meetings... then seminary and on to church life staff and such internal jealousy among staff...corp america in sales, success, but what cost? wife and i moved to new location... looking for a church kinda... the huge megachurch, 3songs and a message - nope; the small mainline, no one says hello and you havn't been in the church for 3 generations - nope. a new church startup perhaps this one, but a Christmas eve service that was a rock concert with songs no one knew and a final 'raise you hand if want to believe' high pressure closing - nope. Eugene Peterson mentioned to find the closest small church to you and just go. perhaps that is what we do. my wife grew up catholic all her life, so we went to Christmas mass...much mystery, incense, robes, things that put me off a little; but they sang a charles wesley hymn, the old priest gave a homily that brought tears to my eyes... what is this. i don't think i can be Catholic, not yet maybe. my wife could. but i get it what you say in your article. i am thinking about the markers for you, and thinking what the markers are for me: a lack of having to be certain (essentials only, yes); a true curiosity about people and life we don't understand, rather than havign the right answer; mystery - saw a title on a podcast The God Who DIsapoints Everyone - yes, yes. isn't that how we often feel and yet how God still loves us, still pursues. And sorry, but no Christian Nationalism... i just can no longer align my beliefs with a political party here, isn't what God is up to so much bigger than the next election. i've rambled.... so my wife and i will see where we land, and if there will be a spring for us in the church. thanks so much for bearing your soul with us. yes there are others out there thinking the same things.
Welcome John! I’m glad you’re here. I appreciate reading some of your journey. The more I think of “markers” the more I feel their importance and value. It’s not a one size fits all. There are “many rooms” in heaven so why can’t we also have “many rooms here?” Just wondering with you!
It seems our paths are similar on church. What I have been struggling with is "deadness" struggling with liturgical service, my church it just seems like rote and memorization. Honestly each new season like Epiphany. I think they get out last year's bulletin and change the date. Same songs, same 10 min sermon, same 3 kings walking down the aisle. It seems I would be better off just leaving the church and having quiet worship on my own. Really struggling but I do like your thoughts on seasons and changes. Keep writing. It encourages us
I can certainly see how the liturgical church can be rote. We have an order of service which is 24 pages long--every week. It's a lot of words, words, words. I sit there thinking, "Could we just have 10 minutes of shared silence today.?" I'm just a couple of years into the liturgical scene. I can imagine what 10 years might do. DJ, there are so many ways we can practice church. More and more I'm drawn to the Great Sanctuary of the Outdoors and am so intrigued with the notion of "Wild Church"--where groups of people gather in the outdoors to worship and be together. We've made church so complicated. Way, way, way beyond what I think Jesus, himself ever could have possibly imagined. When I travelled and spoke alot in churches, I recall, driving up to acres of asphalt parking and mullti-million dollar buildings and saying to myself, "Jesus--did you ever, even imagine your vision could morph into this?" Often, I think, "well, this is just me---and it's because I've been around the block so much with church." But when I hear people like you and others who are writing me privately about this particular Substack, I know there's a great witness of us out here looking for what Jesus might have intended after all. I"m so gateful that you have posted your comments. I hope more might join us here.
Thank you so much for this share of your journey. I, too, a Walker of the aisle at 7 in a Baptist church, began wading in the different streams of traditions, seeking for what had to be more. Now at 73, a widow and having just stepped away from a Bible church where I’ve been actively serving in small groups, I am pursuing the One who has all along been pursuing me. I have no idea what’s ahead, but as my world seems to be getting smaller, my heart is being enlarged day by day and as I’m allowing Jesus to write my itinerary, I’m experiencing more freedom because of His love, more freedom to be loved, and more freedom to love. He knows my deep longing to belong so I give that to Him and abandon the outcomes. As you said just a few days ago, I commend all my forward days to Him. I entrust to Him the rest of my story.
Beverly, I love your term, "Walker." Makes me laugh out loud. Stepping away and stepping out...those are two movements needed and necessary to sometimes get us unstuck and reconnected. We don't know how to do that very well, though. I'm learning to reframe a couple of chapters of my life where I "stepped away" by going back to a few folks I moved away from and saying, "I feel a need to clean up how I left. I didn't know how to leave well and I want to apologize." We know more about joining and unjoining; about being members but not about moving beyond membership. If I were a pastor today, I would have an annual service of belonging....like saying a covenant to one another which said, "I am choosing to belong to you and to one another. I need to belong. I want to belong and I will belong for another year." Sounds radical. But might help us. Learn to belong better and learn to leave better. You got me thinking. Thank you. I am glad to read your sentence, "I commend my forward days to Him." I join you. That might be a good name for a new church: Commend Church. :-)
So much I resonate with here...My draw towards tradition and a way of walking with Jesus that's steeped in history continues to grow amidst our ever-changing culture. All the while, I long for a laying down of doctrinal certainty and a joyful welcoming of mystery. Thank you for sharing your journey with us, Steve. It's a reminder that I'm not alone in my wandering and helps to shed light on my own path.
Peter, there is no doubt that there is 30 years between us in this wandering journey. With those years comes a freedom and courage to say outloud what is held on the inside. Age helps you see that there is less to lose and more freedom just to call it as it is. I have every confidence in you thst you’re headed towards the True north of your heart and you are on track. You have much, much more figured out than I ever did when I was in your decade. I’m so eager to follow your journey. To whom much is given, much is — not required — but yours to hold and enjoy and live.
The one label I feel most identified with is this one: I am simply a follower of Jesus and I seek to adhere to his teachings; his way of life so that I can have the life he described. Being a follower of “the way” is how Luke, the biographer of Jesus and the early church used to describe people like me—people who had been steeped and formed into one way of living but after experiencing Jesus, found a whole other way to live.
Thank you, Steve, for honestly sharing your heart and your journey. The seasons are a beautify image of change; but you demonstrate that there is a cycle in life, and God has granted you more than one pass through the spiritual seasons. I fully understand your need, in this present season, "to prune back what doesn't fit." There is need for much pruning the the Church today, and your quest for discernment sharpens a powerful tool for cutting away what does not promote unity (the essentials) and charity (all things).
Like you, many of us are hearing Henri Nouwen's call to be IN the church but not OF the church. That is as important as being IN the world but not OF it, as well as not bringing the world IN to the church. Also, many resonate with Karl Rahner's call to mysticism, worshiping with an understander that - despite our gifts and abilities - our minds will never be great enough to understand God's mind. We live in mystery, never able to know everything about everything around us, and certainly never able to put the true God in a box that we can open or close at our whim.
The markers of liturgy, reverence, and tradition are equally important - for me, more and more all the time. In my earlier years of trying to "understand" all things, these markers seemed distracting and inefficient. Now that I know man will never eat from the tree of all understanding, I find the markers to be comforting. It is hard to comprehend that God became man, but it is harder to accept that man will never become God. Once we do, however, we will truly understand the meanings of and the need for "sanctuary."
Your words are provocative, meaningful, and very deeply appreciated!
I'm glad you wrote this Steve. I've watched you closely through these changing seasons. I remember vividly when you began meeting with Father Tim for direction. You and I would meet for lunch at Fusion Japan restaurant and talk about it. During that year, you testified of the deconstruction going on in you. I was curious where that deep mining of your soul would lead you. It seemed risky, yet intuitive. It's interesting to see what you have listed here as Markers. Each one resinates with me and gives such good language to the thoughts and feelings I have had over there years about being an American Christian. Your influence on me and Natalie over the years has been catalyzing for us to take courage and move toward these Markers ourselves. It's like you were a trail guide saying: "Look, I see something. Let's pay attention and be curious together." We dipped our feet in mystery, liturgy, corporate confession, robes & stoles, tradition instead of strategy, 15 (or 20) minute homilies, shoulder-to-shoulder with others who were coming together from many streams looking for the primary current. We have been sitting in the "sanctuary" discovering reverence a new!
In 2023, I was captivated by Aaron Niequist's podcast The Eternal Current, based on his book detailing how the ancient practices of the Church have become the saving foundation for his Faith. He essentially says the Markers you have identified are centuries proven ways to remain grounded as followers of Jesus.
During this recent Advent season, a friend of ours shared a devotional guide touring all the prophecies in the Old Testament that pointed to the coming Messiah. Putting new attention to these prophesies has been invigorating for me because they solidify the Biblical message of preparation for and fulfillment of God's plan to unify us with Jesus (Yeshua). Then, during the week between Christmas and New Years, my father-in-law asked if I had seen the television series The Chosen. He talked about how well the actors bring the New Testament to life and how a non-believing friend of his sat and watched the entire series with him week-after-week. They were captivated by it. So, I began to watch it and immediately found a renewed sense of love for the Gospel rising in me. Natalie and I are watching it in one or two episode increments with our teen children now. Here's the thing... When you watch Jesus interact with the people around him and the context of the miracles he performed, it absolutely shatters "rational attempts to understand the chaos around us and within us." Each time Jesus encountered people, he looked at them with such tender care. His compassion to any and every kind of person just doesn't make sense in our politically broken world. You nailed it Steve. Mystery is everything when it comes to faith. Last night I watched Jesus sit down with Nicodemus under the darkness of night and answer his desperate questions to understand what is going on. (Here is a link to view the scene: https://youtu.be/_p2XIUK9VgA?si=NTtzqnr1GejDJ-3R) It broke me listening to a highly religious man, who embodies the rigidity of human attempts to please God, melt in the arms of Jesus when he realized he was experiencing the mysterious presence of the Holy! Steve, you described this so well: "We need something primal. We need something beyond our mind to help us understand, accept and worship in humility–not out of giftedness, pride and accomplishments. There comes a time when the soul will not settle for anything less than wonder and awe. I no longer need for everything to be explained. I need to experience the Holy."
As we roll into 2024, I think these Markers provide anchors for us. I am feeling new shoots springing up from the dry ground. The world is so desperately broken and in need of hope. What we are discussing here feels life giving and hopeful.
I love it that you have written your very own Substack. I subscribe! We all will if you’ll do it. I’m in! You have the language to speak this truth. Don’t keep it for yourself. Give and it will be given. So how do I subscribe to your soul pondering?😎
😉 We’ll see what comes
Steve. ... on my second reading and it will be a third and more! Thank you so very much for sharing your journey...Every word resonates we me. Each reading reveals more of me of my journey... Appreciate you more than you will ever know❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🤦🏼♀️
Nancy, one of the reasons for me wanting to write here is to prove deca space to allow folks to reflect on their own journey and life. I’m so glad you’re here with me. Thank you!
Thank you for this, Steve. It took me three installments to read through (a lot to take in). I have been in winter for a while but I think 2024 could finally be the start of spring.
It was a lengthy piece but my own seasonal journey has been a long one as well. Glad you’re sending the Spring. Bring the greening! Thank you!
yes yes... my winter season too! so so similar to my journey. grew up in fundy Baptist, came alive in university college group, then on staff with that group that became very quota oriented - how many gospel presentations, how many prayed the prayer, how big your meetings... then seminary and on to church life staff and such internal jealousy among staff...corp america in sales, success, but what cost? wife and i moved to new location... looking for a church kinda... the huge megachurch, 3songs and a message - nope; the small mainline, no one says hello and you havn't been in the church for 3 generations - nope. a new church startup perhaps this one, but a Christmas eve service that was a rock concert with songs no one knew and a final 'raise you hand if want to believe' high pressure closing - nope. Eugene Peterson mentioned to find the closest small church to you and just go. perhaps that is what we do. my wife grew up catholic all her life, so we went to Christmas mass...much mystery, incense, robes, things that put me off a little; but they sang a charles wesley hymn, the old priest gave a homily that brought tears to my eyes... what is this. i don't think i can be Catholic, not yet maybe. my wife could. but i get it what you say in your article. i am thinking about the markers for you, and thinking what the markers are for me: a lack of having to be certain (essentials only, yes); a true curiosity about people and life we don't understand, rather than havign the right answer; mystery - saw a title on a podcast The God Who DIsapoints Everyone - yes, yes. isn't that how we often feel and yet how God still loves us, still pursues. And sorry, but no Christian Nationalism... i just can no longer align my beliefs with a political party here, isn't what God is up to so much bigger than the next election. i've rambled.... so my wife and i will see where we land, and if there will be a spring for us in the church. thanks so much for bearing your soul with us. yes there are others out there thinking the same things.
Welcome John! I’m glad you’re here. I appreciate reading some of your journey. The more I think of “markers” the more I feel their importance and value. It’s not a one size fits all. There are “many rooms” in heaven so why can’t we also have “many rooms here?” Just wondering with you!
Thank you for your comments. Yes I vote for Church of The Wild led by the chirping of the Tree Top Choir. Makes far better sense
It seems our paths are similar on church. What I have been struggling with is "deadness" struggling with liturgical service, my church it just seems like rote and memorization. Honestly each new season like Epiphany. I think they get out last year's bulletin and change the date. Same songs, same 10 min sermon, same 3 kings walking down the aisle. It seems I would be better off just leaving the church and having quiet worship on my own. Really struggling but I do like your thoughts on seasons and changes. Keep writing. It encourages us
I can certainly see how the liturgical church can be rote. We have an order of service which is 24 pages long--every week. It's a lot of words, words, words. I sit there thinking, "Could we just have 10 minutes of shared silence today.?" I'm just a couple of years into the liturgical scene. I can imagine what 10 years might do. DJ, there are so many ways we can practice church. More and more I'm drawn to the Great Sanctuary of the Outdoors and am so intrigued with the notion of "Wild Church"--where groups of people gather in the outdoors to worship and be together. We've made church so complicated. Way, way, way beyond what I think Jesus, himself ever could have possibly imagined. When I travelled and spoke alot in churches, I recall, driving up to acres of asphalt parking and mullti-million dollar buildings and saying to myself, "Jesus--did you ever, even imagine your vision could morph into this?" Often, I think, "well, this is just me---and it's because I've been around the block so much with church." But when I hear people like you and others who are writing me privately about this particular Substack, I know there's a great witness of us out here looking for what Jesus might have intended after all. I"m so gateful that you have posted your comments. I hope more might join us here.
Thank you so much for this share of your journey. I, too, a Walker of the aisle at 7 in a Baptist church, began wading in the different streams of traditions, seeking for what had to be more. Now at 73, a widow and having just stepped away from a Bible church where I’ve been actively serving in small groups, I am pursuing the One who has all along been pursuing me. I have no idea what’s ahead, but as my world seems to be getting smaller, my heart is being enlarged day by day and as I’m allowing Jesus to write my itinerary, I’m experiencing more freedom because of His love, more freedom to be loved, and more freedom to love. He knows my deep longing to belong so I give that to Him and abandon the outcomes. As you said just a few days ago, I commend all my forward days to Him. I entrust to Him the rest of my story.
Beverly, I love your term, "Walker." Makes me laugh out loud. Stepping away and stepping out...those are two movements needed and necessary to sometimes get us unstuck and reconnected. We don't know how to do that very well, though. I'm learning to reframe a couple of chapters of my life where I "stepped away" by going back to a few folks I moved away from and saying, "I feel a need to clean up how I left. I didn't know how to leave well and I want to apologize." We know more about joining and unjoining; about being members but not about moving beyond membership. If I were a pastor today, I would have an annual service of belonging....like saying a covenant to one another which said, "I am choosing to belong to you and to one another. I need to belong. I want to belong and I will belong for another year." Sounds radical. But might help us. Learn to belong better and learn to leave better. You got me thinking. Thank you. I am glad to read your sentence, "I commend my forward days to Him." I join you. That might be a good name for a new church: Commend Church. :-)
So much I resonate with here...My draw towards tradition and a way of walking with Jesus that's steeped in history continues to grow amidst our ever-changing culture. All the while, I long for a laying down of doctrinal certainty and a joyful welcoming of mystery. Thank you for sharing your journey with us, Steve. It's a reminder that I'm not alone in my wandering and helps to shed light on my own path.
Peter, there is no doubt that there is 30 years between us in this wandering journey. With those years comes a freedom and courage to say outloud what is held on the inside. Age helps you see that there is less to lose and more freedom just to call it as it is. I have every confidence in you thst you’re headed towards the True north of your heart and you are on track. You have much, much more figured out than I ever did when I was in your decade. I’m so eager to follow your journey. To whom much is given, much is — not required — but yours to hold and enjoy and live.
The one label I feel most identified with is this one: I am simply a follower of Jesus and I seek to adhere to his teachings; his way of life so that I can have the life he described. Being a follower of “the way” is how Luke, the biographer of Jesus and the early church used to describe people like me—people who had been steeped and formed into one way of living but after experiencing Jesus, found a whole other way to live.
Yes!
Thank you Ann! It just might be the not label we really need. I’m with you!