Where Do the Dead Go?
Exploring the ultimate question in life...
This is the big question—there may not be a larger question to ponder. Today marks the anniversary of my grandson, Tommy’s death. He would be eleven years old today. We always include Tommy when we answer the question: “How many grandchildren do you have?” He is one of the fourteen. He is always in the mix; always in our hearts; always in our the surrounding presence. Tommy is knitted into our hearts. I dream about him. I had a vision even—a vision which helped frame my answer to this important question. Maybe you can relate. Maybe it is time to ponder the question.
Two months ago, we buried my wife’s father. So death and what happens to the dead have been front and center of my thoughts.
It was Saint Benedict in the 5th century who thought long and hard about our mortality, that he made a “rule” that everyone in his community of Benedictines should “keep their death in mind every day.” In doing so, the thoughts help create a guardrail to keep us in the lane of thinking about what is important and what is not so important after all.
It is a complex question but one we need to consider. Thinking about our death sobers us. It humbles us. Death reminds us that we are but, dust. Stand at the grave of a loved one and we come face to face with our mortality. Live long enough, and we will all have many invitations to ponder this important question. We cannot escape or avoid this question. And I believe we should not put this question on hold as if not thinking about it will make “it” not happen.
In a day and age where the culture, media, and values shift to insulate us from the reality of death, it is a good practice to ponder death.
On the eve of a big trip, I feel the pull to get my affairs in order. So, we have. We’ve signed documents; talked to our sons; agreed on our plans; and having the talk between us of “who gets what.” We laughed in doing this. We’ve sat with a lot of silence, too. It’s good inner work to consider the inevitable. It is wisdom.
It is stunning and remarkable to hear how many friends don’t think or discuss about the inevitable. Please accept the invitation in this and my poem which follows to talk more; ponder more and make a plan and above all, tell someone about the plans you’ve made. What good is a secret when it’s taken to the grave.
I’ve told you about my “Circle of Trust”—a group of friends I meet with every month for several hours. We meet this afternoon and the topic for our discussion is: What is your exit plan?
Ponder your exit plan.
This was no easy poem to write. I’ve gone to the matt in this poem; wrestled for years with my thoughts; considered many options; talked with friends and am now in a place to share how I answer this question.
I answer it in the poem, “Where Do the Dead Go?
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For the new subscribers, I published my first book of poems titled “Greening: Poems in the Unfolding of our Lives.” In this beautiful book, I wrote six essays with themes about Greening in the seasons of life. Poems that I am writing currently are published on Substack.
Read the poem. See what gets stirred up. Please leave a comment. Is there a line that strikes you; that sort of has your name on it in some way?
Could you put that line in the Comments? Or thoughts… I’d love to read and interact as much as I’m able.
