What's in Your Bucket?

Searching for the feeling inside the heart

Photo by Anne Nygård on Unsplash

I’ve been looking for the right word which might describe what I’m feeling.

Let me see if I can describe this feeling—this inward state of my soul, to you.

Some back-story might help.

Between the last page of the Old Testament and the first page of the New Testament of the Bible, there is this span of 400 years. 400 years of silence. 400 years of waiting. 400 years of living in the “inter-testament” period of the old and the new.

Those 400 years where deadly quiet. There was no fresh word from the prophets. It was four generations of life, where no one heard one thing from Beyond. There was truly nothing, under the sun. It was ground-hog day every single say for 400 years.

I think I am living in such a liminal space—a space in-between; a space of waiting; a time of hanging on to the few threads of hope I can hold onto.

This inter-testament period is not what I am feeling. Living in an in-between time is not a feeling at all. It might be a fact. But again, what is the feeling that is associated with living in such a time as this?

What I am feeling is the melancholy of it all. So much fracture. So much friction. So much discord. It all leaves me sad,

As I was talking to a friend, I began to use this word—melancholy and the more I became nosy about the state of my soul, the more this word; this term; this feeling seemed to fit.

I feel the powerlessness of not being able to bring change to those living in despair but trying to hold hope. Even the birds, which I feed in my yard look nervous. They sit restless at the feeders, looking around for a hawk or something bigger than them to scare them off. I understand their plight. I, too, am looking all around. Looking for hawks and big things that might take us down.

So, I sat down with this word—melancholy and began to reach inside the bucket of my heart to see what the ladle of poetry might raise up. That ladle brought up this new poem which I want to share with you here.

I want to share it because, I just wonder if some of you might feel this eerie feeling as well.

Sometimes, just naming the feeling is a cure. Sometimes, just putting a title to what we are feeling helps. This is my way of doing just that. See what might be in your bucket today by reading my poem.

Is there a line you resonate with?

Is there a poet, sage, monk or prophet you are listening to these days that is helping you?

What is name of the feeling that is the bucket of your heart right now? Pause. Look within. Try to name it. Go.

If you want to look at a tool to help you identify your own state of your soul; your feelings inside, then take a look at this tool, called, “The State of the Soul.” It’s had far reaching use around the world and is downloadable for private or group use. Go here to see the State of the Soul