What Matters the Most in Life

Looking back in order to move through and forward in unstable times

Photo by simon wood on Unsplash

We are living in unsure times and unsure times call for giving attention to what is really important in our lives both now, and in the future. Living with an understanding of what matters most in life is the threshold for human beings to navigate the swirl of the whitewater, the clamoring noise of our shifting culture and our inner angst.

The desire to live and to keep living, as long and as well as we can, defines the human condition.  This is perennial wisdom found in all world religions. Our human condition is threatened also by a near constant barrage of breaking news; erosion of what is true and cynicism that settles in the heart that leaves us suspicious, bitter and callous.  Is this kind of living really sustainable?

Until a generation ago, many people sought refuge in their churches and temples for refuge. But with all the changes that are happening, few of us call our churches “sanctuaries”—perhaps the one, real thing that might help us today. As we all know, even the church is not immune from a religion that is pervasive revealing a cult of personality; pastors and leaders who lead but do not lead well in such times. This dis-ease has not gone viral and systemic it seems.

We are not the first to face such threats to life, but the issues of accessing constant news gives us no insulation or barrier to facing jarring news and jarring ways the world is changing so rapidly. Our senses are assaulted these days making it challenging to know which end is up. We seem dizzy from all the swirling on the outside—not to mention our inside world. It seems we barely can recover from one news worthy tsunami till the next big wave of something takes us down again.

This factor is different from the days of our parents and grandparents who had time to process; time to digest one news cycle before the next one came.  My father served in World War 2 on a naval ship in the height of the Pacific wars. He heard from the soldiers, their accounts, horror stories and being witnesses to the brutality of humans on other human beings. On the trip across the ocean, which took weeks to travel before they disembarked home, men would sit, smoke their cigars on the decks, drink their whiskey and tell their stories. They could decompress. They had time to let the trauma rise up rather than settle into their souls.

I have two sons who  have been in wars and battle grounds in Iraq and Afghanistan. At the end of their deployment, they boarded a jet plane that got them back home in hours—not days, certainly not weeks. Within 24 hours they were undressing from combat fatigues and bearing weapons to swimming trunks and T-shirts.  No time to process. No time to tell their stories. No time to debrief their hearts. It is a swift and rapid change that we know call PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) for many soldiers—and this term, PSTD is a good term to consider for our own diagnosis of swift change; fast living; uber change and constant white water. Not every thing that happens to us is big “T” trauma. But, it is this amassing and collective experience of so much, so fast and it’s still coming at us now daily—that makes life now, such an existential threat. In today’s world, there are indeed, many little “t” traumas that stack up inside.

All of us are navigating swift and rapid change in culture, church and epidemic narratives. This distinct change in how we hear, listen, react and respond to such quick and shifting culture simply impacts us like seeing an unhealthy red dye placed in a glass of water. The red tint goes systemic in the water changing everything. This is an image of what I believe is happening to us now. Nearly everything seems tainted; everything seems ruined.  It is not the world we use to know, even just a few short years ago.

We say, “I can’t take ‘it’ anymore.” But, we do. And then there’s this—the days keep piling up on us too and as Annie Dillard has said so, so well, “How we live our days is how we live our lives.” And this, dear friends is the problem. It begs the question…

How much can we take?  Well, the answer to this huge question is how we are doing  on the inside. Our outside world faces the constant assault to our viability.  But how does all of this really affect us on the inside. The only way out of this mess is to go into the mess. We cannot go around it. We simply do not know how to go above it.  Even monks have anxiety sequestered in cloistered walls. They too, must take the inner journey to find some hope and peace; some joys and this word—contentment.

It is this inner dimension to life and living that captures my education, training and expertise for the past forty five years.  The prolific writer and modern day sage, Parker Palmer, has wisely written:

New leadership is needed for new times, but it will not come from finding more wiley ways to manipulate the external world. It will come as we ... find the courage to take an inner journey ... to become healers in a wounded world.

For me, I am more weary of wiley ways than I am of the breaking news and other new realities facing me. The gimmicks of influencers; the religious paraphernalia offered us with the false hope of the next, new “thing” that has the way; the over promising and under-delivering of our politicians and more. I have a long litany of grievances to share. Don’t we all?

The wiley ways of the modern church, when led by leaders who are not healed from self preoccupation and their own disease of soul, will only continue to offer us the spectacular—mistaking the spectacular for spiritual.  Wiley ways happens when leaders do not transform—but they continue to transmit their dysfunction into the church, organizations, business and families.  Because of our western mindset and training,  the trajectory of always moving up and to the right greatly shapes our understanding of progress, success and transformation.  Until, we live from the soul, we will continue to offer cheap substitutes and flashy gimmicks which can attract a crowd but not transform one’s own inner world— that place where the past lurks, and stands ready to trip us up. Inside the deep places of our hears lies  our desire to be loved; our quest for power, fame and influence. It is in these places and others that so many of have experienced defeat, despair and depression.

Ancient Ways for Modern Times

Let me attempt to explain how I am navigating this old world and let me be but a witness to what I have learned along the way and my own many efforts to live well and be well.

The old prophet Jeremiah describes a way and lived in a time where he, too, was concerned at how to do life. Here’s what he said:

“Thus says the Lord: Stand at the crossroads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way lies; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls. But they said, ‘We will not walk in it.’ –Jeremiah 6:16, NRSV

When Eugene Peterson translated this verse, he said it in the vernacular—the street version way talking that is easy to get.   Here’s what Peterson did with that same text:

“Go stand at the crossroads and look around. Ask for directions to the old road, The tried-and-true road. Then take it. Discover the right route for your souls. But they said, ‘Nothing doing. We aren’t going that way.’ I even provided watchmen for them to warn them, to set off the alarm. But the people said, ‘It’s a false alarm. It doesn’t concern us.’

Since my own “crash and burn” in 1994, I have found hope, solace, contentment and joy in embarking on a tested, tried and proven ancient path. I have called this ancient path, “soul care.”  It is a path we learn about in the first book of the Scriptures to the very life of Jesus, himself. This path is trans-denomination and beyone one person to describe it. I’m so glad to see so many now giving voice to this term and way of life.

Soul care is embarking on the inner journey where awareness, contentment, and a new motivation for abundant living and serving others is found. Soul Care is being rooted in ancient ways for our modern dilemma.

Our current modern dilemma is one where our existential angst is flashing red—begging for attention. With so much confusion about the terms: self-care and soul care and more, I thought a new explanation is warranted and needed.

By the term soul care, we are not describing a life of spas and massages; essential oils and birdwatching. Caring for the soul invokes first learning what our soul really is and then how we can best care for the soul in our hurry scurry, self absorbed life. Every journey has a beginning and the beginning of soul care is not first fixing what ails us or scratching where we itch. We begin with the soul. We begin living well, by living with the soul in mind. The soul in mind—not success in mind.  The soul in mind—not money in the bank. The soul in mind, not living in the hustle and bustle of our dilemma.  We live with the soul in mind and learn a whole and other way to do life.

Jesus said it clearly, “What does it profit person to gain the whole world but lose their soul in the process.”

Soul Care requires an honest inventory of what we have really lost by all our ‘gaining.’ For many of us, the answer is: “Alot.”

In brief, Soul is the real me—all of me—all of you. Soul is what lives forever and at the present time, has the physical address of our own unique physical bodies. We are more than our bodies. We are souls. Dallas Willard reminds us that “we are spiritual beings having a physical experience.”  This grounding opens us up to this whole and other way of living.

To care for the soul is to care for the whole person—not just our spiritual life doing Bible studies—one after the other and serving in the church.  In every soul, there are historical things that have shaped or mis-shaped us; there are relationships that have helped and hindered us; there is our rich emotional life and how we experience our feelings or the lack of feelings and awareness. There is a vocational aspect to the soul. Our work, our mission—our life’s purpose is embedded deep within us require attention, cultivation and care. There is our physical well being—all of these aspects are connected in our souls, like the central processing unit (CPU) of our computers. When the CPU goes out, nothing works and so it is with the soul. The soul is where everything is connected and every thing is “housed.” And, of course, there is our spiritual life—the faith we live and believe.

Caring for the soul involves an inner journey to find wholeness and healing and from that place with motivations reset and rhythms in place, we can offer ourselves to a broken world that needs this good news.

In Search of the Spiritual Unicorn

Many are still looking for the spiritual unicorn that will take away the inner ache that is found deep in the abyss of our human souls. We look for the next church, next new book, next retreat, next speaker, next influencer who will finally offer us what we have been long so long in wait. We are a culture drunk on our false hope and empty promises.

We don’t need trinkets and souvenirs of all the ways we’ve tried. We do not need more religious paraphernalia. What we need is a time tested; authentic and proven way to recover our lives.

Our Invitation to Soul Care

The invitation is not for the “next” thing or shiny new promise offered us by uber charismatic leaders. Beginning to learn about the ancient way is where we begin this new and exciting journey. Here, everything is reframed—everything begins to open up for us in a way we missed somehow.

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I’ll continue this with a Part 2 and explain more of embarking on the path marked by Jesus, when he said so succinctly that we almost miss it, “I am the way…”  Ancient ways take this very, very seriously. It is his way— and I explored this in the most recent Substack and also in my book, The Jesus Life.

I’ll continue to write on these themes with what I am calling my new voice—a voice that feels more green than dead and as you know, I’ve told you this and other stories in former Substack entries. Just scroll back.

Hey and while you’re at it, how about sending this particular Substack around to some friends and colleagues. Get a discussion started.

You might find it helpful to get the Audible book where I read my understanding of soul care in my book: Soul Custody: Choosing to Care for the One and Only You.

Don’t forget to get a copy of “The Great Annual Examen” which is the best way to evaluate this past year. There’s a version for the individual and a version with permisssion to print unlimtied copies.

It would mean alot to me, if you liked this to “heart” it and above that to quote a line or phrase in your comments that is linging with you.