What I Learned About Self-Blessing from Two Old Monks
The Healing Power of Speaking Good Words into our Souls.
When we think of blessings, we are accustomed to thinking about blessing someone else—not ourselves. To learn to bless ourselves is, for many of us, a foreign language—one never learned and it is counter-cultural and counter-intuitive.
But, why is this? It’s sometimes a dangerous and cruel world out there and in our own hearts. So much self-rejection. So much despair. So much inner dialogue that chatters away in us almost, non-stop.
Several years ago now, we met a Benedictine Nun named, Macrina Wiederkehr, who lived a cloistered life in Arkansas. Once while traveling through that state in one of our cross country trips, we wrote to her and asked if we could come and visit. She invited us warmly as we had met before on a retreat she led in Colorado. She blessed us with her presence, wit, charm and most of all her depth of soul. We spoke about a single sentence she wrote in one of her books:
“Teach me the truth about myself, now matter how beautiful it is.”
To teach—is to submit to relearning, unknowing and inner healing. It’s a cellular journey, I have found. One with layers upon layers to find healing and light where darkness and trauma resides.
Blessing one’s self is one way of being taught; getting healed; and becoming aware.
Blessing one’s self is about speaking good words into one’s own soul because our souls have so much toxicity in them due to all the negative, destructive and desolating words we read, hear and absorb throughout every single day of our lives.
This kind of awareness is often found and discovered in the bloody mess and wounds of our lives—in our past. There in our past lies a darkness often never explored but ignored and pushed down and down like children push down beach balls at the shore in their play.
Blessings one’s own soul is finding the courage to say and believe good, positive and truthful aspects to ourselves. For many of us this is the journey of becoming the beloved. Henri Nouwen reminds us so succinctly that all of us are born the beloved but it takes many years to become the beloved. He means by this—the cellular journey I am describing here. Read the words of my dear friend, Roger Housden in his book, “Ten Poems to Open Your Heart.”
“Blessings do not always come gift wrapped in gold. Usually some time after the event, we may speak of great misfortune as being a blessing in disguise. There is both a poetic and an etymological connection between our word “bless” and the French ‘Blessure”, meaning ‘wound.’ Our wounds confer blessings on us when we embrace them as part of who we are, when we accept that the brightness of our fire also casts shadows. The wounded healer is one who has dived deep into his own vulnerability and sickness, and returned with the gift of compassion as well as a knowledge that can heal others.”— Roger Housden
Many of you on Substack might remember that this past September, Peter Ivey and I began an online poetry group called, “The 3C Group”. The three c’s stand for: Curiosity, Caring and Connection. We meet today and this particular online group of folks—many, I’ve never met in person, has become a space for this cellular healing in the midst of so much disillusionment. It’s inspiring, postive and life-altering. We read poems that help us, guide us and nurture all the good we can find within our own hearts. I’m telling you this because self-blessing is hard to understand and practice and it is best seen; best modeled and best understood in a form of community.
Our topic for today’s group is “Self-Blessing” and we will use two poems by two different poets to understand the power and practice of self-blessing.
I’ve had to learn about self-blessing from the masters—often people who paid the price to live life far, far, far differently than many of us live today. But in this great quest and pilgrimage, great healing has been given to me. I hope to you as well.
Once, Gwen and I found ourselves in a dark space and season. Our grandson, Tommy was born and died moments later. Gwen was privileged to be in the room where Tommy arrived. His death, ushered us into a long, dark winter in our souls. We turned to Thomas Keating, the prolific monk who lived in Snowmass, Colorado. We studied his writings and focused on learning how to pray in a more contemplative, quiet and centered way. In an effort to meet him, we drove over the Colorado Rockies in the winter to his monastery and there in the labyrinth of cloistered halls, we saw him in his final days walking down the halls. I walked up to him and he said to me, “Are you lost?”—he meant by that that I had wondered into a place in the monastery where only the monks walked. When he asked me that question, without any hesitation, I said, “No, I’m not lost. I’m found!” and he smiled and invited us into a room where we could quietly visit. At the ending of our time, I said innocently, “Father Keating, would you give me a blessing?” He paused and said, “Steve, don’t you know, the blessing is within?”
It seemed, at that precise moment, all the air in the room and in my lungs evaporated into the holy space of the cloistered walls. I was breathless—a sure sign that something BIG had just happened. He offered me the key to unlock a room and chasm in my heart that had never seen light or love.
The blessing is within.
Friends, as we navigate our way through advent and into the New Year, let us practice what two old monks taught me years ago, “the blessing is within—no matter how beautiful I already am.”
I’ll be offering an online 90 minute session to help us usher a new year and new beginning together. I”ll be using two poems and the Annual Great Examen, which is a tool I developed based on the work of Saint Ignatius. Please download the Annual Great Examen prior to January 6 and complete before our time on line. It is a review of our life and a way to look backward and forward, inward and upward. This special retreat will be on January 6 at NOON Eastern Standard Time. Registration will be available later this week. We will read two poems, reflect and dive into a section of the Great Annual Examen together using a powerful prayer by Thomas Merton. The cost is $35 and if you’re in the 3C Group, your registration fee is covered already. But a limited number of folks not in the 3 C group are invited to join me and Peter Ivey. But Save The Date and Time!
I’ll post details on our website later this week. Be on the lookout: www.pottersinn.com
Wow! The ability to see the blessing inside…. It has never dawned on me. Thank you and now, so much to sift through as this is not just unnatural, but foreign to me.