Uncertainty

Embracing the Unknown and Calling it Normal

A good friend texted me after watching me preach on Sunday—all dressed in a white robe, among stained glass windows and in an Episcopal church. His words made me sit back and take note.

“I’m proud of you for stepping into uncertainty.” I paused with this words, I suppose not really fully understanding that I had stepped through the glass doors of uncertainty to leave a land I have known so well:

• The land of clearly defined doctrine and dogma;

• A land defined by certain ways of doing “church”;

• A place I was educated, trained and formed in to think and believe certain ways and endorse certain ideas;

• A place where I found like minded people—community.

• And oh, by the way, to do this at 69 just needs to be stated clearly.

In many ways, I am leaving this well known land. The truth is, I’ve been leaving this land for quite a while. It was in 1994 that I “left” the Baptist landscape. I took my coat and tie off—knowing full well, that was not my code of dress. I needed freedom and it is a certain freedom that has been pulling me forward ever since.

I flirted with the good pieces of Catholicism—having been drawn so deeply to so many writers and thinkers in that tradition. There is a part of me that loves the swinging incense, I must confess. I like all the candles too.

But, it was my own spiritual director who so wisely said in a session I will never forget with her. I was so moved; so intrigued; so pulled by so much in that tradition and stream. But when I processed this tug to leave and become something unthinkable, she said, “Steve, you just need to choose your shit.” I hope you are smiling because her words were and remain pure gold to me and I have quoted her a hundred times across the globe.

Her wise words confessed that there really is something wrong with every “man” made system and wise is the one ,who chooses wisely to accept what they can—knowing that nothing is perfect. As you know, I did not choose to become a Catholic. I’m glad for the choice I made and never has there been a time more than now to relish in the good choices and protection that my choices have led me. How about you?

As you’ll hear, I introduce myself as a “recovering Baptist.” That line produced a roar of laughter in the service as you can hear. But it most of struck a cord because no less than 20 people who were at the service said, “I’d never heard that before—a recovering Baptist—but that’s what I am.” I felt known. I felt seen. I felt like I was not alone. Another sign for me that I have somehow stumbled into my people after all these years. Aren’t we all looking for our people?

Being asked to preach at our little mountain parish, this past Sunday, was an invitation to be true to myself. It was an opportunity to become a 21st century Abraham—to move into a place and space that was unfamiliar but one that I felt deeply called to be. It was my own moment of embracing uncertainty as I was calling others to live with and actually like uncertainty—perhaps even for you to do the same with me.

(Standing with our rector, Elizabeth and with St. Francis right before processing down the aisle in St. Phillips Episcopal Church in Brevard, NC)

I felt no hesitation to wear the white robe. In fact, in wearing a robe, I felt as if I was in a long procession of people that had stood before me. I felt “covered”—literally by the robe. It made me feel strangely ordinary, simple and grounded.

I felt no hesitation to stand in that old pulpit and ask the folks gathered to give up the “sin of certainty” and to walk like modern day Abrahams and Sarahs into an unknown land. These two people, left what they knew and embarked into a place they knew nothing about. There are models of faith, aren’t they? We learn much about their story of embracing uncertainty. In fact, embracing the unknown is more of the norm of the Christian faith than we might imagine.

I unpack all of this in the sermon and I”m including the link for you to watch the service—all the Scripture read; the music, processional and then of course the 12 minute homily that I’ve written about now for several weeks.

The YouTube link is here:

Link to watch and hear me speak and worship

Soren Kierkegaard, wrote one of the most heart felt prayers I have even prayed:

“And now, Lord, with your help, I shall become myself.”

Embracing uncertainiy is the invitation to become. It’s a process. It’s messy. It’s not a linear, logical or sequential thing to do. If Abraham was rewarded for stepping out, then what might our future be to keep stepping out and into the unknown?

It is a messy birth—sometimes bloody and sometimes exhausting to step out. But, perhaps this is the real meaning of being “born again.” You can decide. All I can do is give a witness to the journey for me—which is exactly what I intend to do on the Substack entries. I’m so grateful for you joining me here.

If this is helpful, share it with a few friends.

Blessings!

Steve