This Thing Called Aging

Learning to age well; live well and foster an abundant life while there's still time...

First of all, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to all the new subscribers to my Subtack! I’m so glad you are here.  You’ll  have an option to read more of past entries; listen to podcasts and see all of the resources prepared for you on the themes of caring for your one and only soul . If you choose to become a “Paid Subscriber,” you’ll have access to everything here including my work in poetry and be the first to receive invitations to offers, retreats and happenings. At the bottom here, I”ll explain some options.

Second, it is hard to believe, but this season called, “Lent” is right around the corner.  Lent begins on February 15^th. I’ve written an exercise called “40 Days, 40 Miles and 40 Questions.” The intent here is a challenge to walk with me and others using this tool. It’s simple. You make a commitment for 40 days—until Easter—to walk one mile a day (treadmill or outside or be active in some way) for the 40 days. And while walking or moving, ponder one, single question and reflect on it.  Here’s the link to access your copy or a version allowing you to make multiple copies if you’re in a church, group or organization where you can offer this resource.

Third, now, let’s get down to it. OK? 

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This Thing Called Aging…

Photo by Rod Long on Unsplash

I find myself thinking much about aging. It seems, I have alot to learn about this inevitable, undeniable reality called, aging.

I read this classification of aging:

Sociologist distinguish the “old” this way:

Between the ages of 65 and 74 years as youngest-old,

those between ages 75 and 84 years as middle-old,

and those aged over 85 years as oldest-old.

I’m trying to find some comfort in being classified as the “youngest old”.  Are you smiling? I am. I am also keenly interested in how an aging person comes to grip with making choices to live from an attitude of abundance in the aging process as oppose to what some call a “scarcity” attitude of what lies ahead.

This is a reflection for you if you’re over 65.

This is a piece to ponder if you love someone that is over 65, like a parent, grandparent or friend.

This is a consideration,  if you’re wondering what life might be like as an older person.

The choice to live in a inner place of scarcity or abundance seems to come down to a personal, deliberate and delineating decision.  How will I choose to look at the circumstances of my life when I don’t like them—don’t like them at all, perhaps.

When it comes to choosing a scarcity mindset, you choose to believe in a limited number of options; a depletion of resources and resign to a growing sense of anxiety and fear. Living with scarcity as our perspective can lead to control, obsessiveness and cynicism.  A choice to live with an abundance view of life fosters a litany of possibilities ahead; multiple options and untapped and yet unknown resources will be discovered.

I hear echoing in my mind, the Apostle Paul’s reflections on life when he wrote these words while in prison in Rome, Italy.

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:11-13).

I’m wondering how, what Paul wrote, might apply to my own conundrum in being in the new “Young Old.” I’m wondering about the secret. Is there one?

What choices can I make now, that will foster an inner sense of abundance in my outlook on life and the aging process?  As I survey some of the inner landscape of my friends, relatives and colleagues, I can see a marked difference in attitude on this inevitable process called aging.  It’s so huge of a distinction in  how I see people working through their aging that, for whatever reason, both Gwen and I have sort of become students of this process.  We compare, contrast and make distinctions on how we “see” and experience such a wide range of attitudes on aging in the folks we “do” life with right now.  Some attitudes are contagious and life-giving. Some, well, are not life-giving at all. Enough said.

Some fight.

Some accept.

Some struggle.

Some resign.

Some accept.

Some are happy--some are not.

Some decline quickly.

Some are resilient.

Does aging come down to one’s own DNA? Or, is there some “secret” that is ours to discover? Are we so repelled by one person’s way of aging that we make vows to ‘never, ever, under any circumstance—to end up like them?” I know that kind of vow.

By far, the best, best, best book I’ve read on this is by Wilkie and Noreen Au: Aging with Wisdom and Grace. He’s a priest. She’s a former nun (there’s a great story here by the way) and they write a magnificent, book on this subject.

I did a podcast on this book with a wise woman on using this book for our spring board of a lively and deep conversation. Trust me, if you’re intrigued by my own words, get this book and form a group and read it together to glean insights and wisdom that will help you.  You can listen to the podcast here:

Spectrum on Aging is the Key

Photo by Tamanna Rumee on Unsplash

Probably, the best and least scientific answer I might offer about aging is that our attitude in aging is more like a spectrum to plot and study which offers ranges, stages and phases of the entire process. Aging, like so many things, is best understood when we don’t use binary language or classifications that put people into boxes. Aging is not an “either this way or that way.” It is a hosts of factors that finally has become its own industry, as well as descriptors (Geriatric Specialists, as one example).

What I’m saying to you here and now is my own attempt to understand what is happening to me. We can compare notes. We can collaborate. That seems key to living a life of abundance as well—to live life in community—not solo.

Keep following me, and if I can, I want to reflect on my own process of aging (don’t worry, I don’t intend to make every entry on Subtack about this).

Writing is my own way of tracking with my growth and formation. It’s my primary way of getting out, what is inside. Words become the instruments for me to mine my own soul and see what gold, if any, lies within.

Abundant Life in the Abundant Years

One thing I both know and am experiencing, is that there is a greater sense of actually living a life marked by abundance as the “new old,” than I thought possible. Now, there is some good news. For me: there is less striving; less inner dissonance; less anxiety or maybe, I should say a different kind of anxiety; a diminishing sense that I call—“oughtness”—which goes like this—I ought to write another book.”  “I ought to raise money to do this project or that event.”  My sense of inner “oughtness” is something I monitor from time to time and watch myself letting go and relinquishing.  Brennan Manning, a favorite writer of mine says, “Somewhere, along the way, we have to learn to quit ‘shouldin’ on ourselves.” I love that line. In aging and in wisdom, we seem to learn to quit ‘shoudin’ as much.

In this new season, I was advised strongly to “only do the things that bring me life.”  And I’ve taken those wise words to heart. Substack is one of the things that brings me life. Facebook does not—nor does Instagram.

One Single Question For Each Day Helps

What brings me life is often a guiding questions, Gwen and I frame each Sabbath and often for spans of days by asking this one, single question.

I learned this question from a Hospice Doctor I’ve met in my mountain town. He told me that he asks each of his patients who are facing the end of their life, this one, single question:

This question is not just for the dying, I think. It’s a question, for the living and for the living who are wanting to live a more abundant life. What’s important to you today—when asked facilitates a sort of rifling through lesser priorities and commitments facing us. This one question helps focus us and jettison, rivaling priorities and activities that might feel more obligatory than life-giving. 

Gwen and I ask each other: “What’s important for you today?” even though we don’t have a terminal diagnosis. We ask this question. because we are attempting to live wisely, intentionally and with our souls in mind. Maybe it’s our way of saying “Carpe Diem” or “No regrets”.  

What would help you move from scarcity to abundance in whatever circumstance of stage of life you’re in right now?

I feel a bit nervous about showing you what I’ve done next here.  I’ve been reflecting on why I feel a bit nervous in showing you and inviting you to read my poem.  I think it comes down to this: In my poems, I’m just inviting you to my inner world where I’m still trying, like you, to figure out this thing called “life.”  I need many tweaks and revisions and perhaps this is the best insight into spiritual formation and the formation of the aging process is—it is me giving words to my inner movements.

Lucille Clifton puts it this way, “You come to poetry not out of what you know but out of what you wonder.”  For me, my poetry is me simply wondering.  And at this new stage of my life, I am wondering more than I ever have in my entire life. In aging, we may find our best path back to become child-like in being filled with wonder.

Let it be, then. Let it be.

I said for years, that I was looking forward to living a life more defined by contemplation than action. I’ve been active for so long that I’m just glad I have this season and time to be contemplative.  

I’m reading and I so, so invite you to join me in the reading of Cole Arthur Riley’s, Black Liturgies: Prayers, Poems and Meditations for Staying Human.   I just started the book and I'm hooked. It’s brand new. I’m intrigued and I’ve been so helped. I’m eager to read it everyday and her book is my chosen book for Lent and beyond.

So, here’s my poem finally. For those of you who are new to me on Substack, my poems are posted for those who make the choice to support me; fan my flame and who breath encouragement into me, at this season of my life. When you become a “Paid Subscriber”, you get the poem—all of my poems—as a perk. For any of you who are already supporters of Potter’s Inn (Gwen’s and my ministry), you can receive a complimentary Substack Subscription. Just remind Pam Burton and me at (info@pottersinn.com). Or if you’re not in a position to help financially but really want to read my budding work, then tell us that, no questions will be asked and you’ll be ‘in.”