The Pursuit of Happiness

What does it take for us to be happy?

(Photo of Bennett Stephen Smith, by Gwen Smith)

People in every tribe and culture pursue happiness. In all the bickering over constitutional meaning these days, we might have forgotten that the United States Constitution insures the “right” to pursue happiness. We are the fortunate ones indeed to have such a document I think:

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed, by their Creator, with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”

What does it take for you to be happy? Do you feel like happiness is your own “right?”

Seriously, what things are needed in your life—right now—to help you find the words to tell yourself, “I am happy.”  What would need to be happening or not happening in your life—right now—in order for you to say, ‘I am happy?’

Is your happiness dependent upon money, health, relationships, God—what would you fill in the blank with today? Was there a time you were happy? What was happening in that season of your life? All good questions to ponder.

I’ve been thinking about happiness these days, especially since Bennett, our 2 ½ year old grandson, came last week and spent a few days with us in our mountain home. As soon as we bought our home here in the mountains of North Carolina, I put up a swing set in between some huge and wild rhododendron bushes and oak trees so that, when our grandkids would come over, they could swing in the mountain air. It was literally one of the first things I did when I moved in and it’s been a hit for our grandkids and the neighborhood kids as well.

When Bennett came last week, he walked right over to the swing. He immediately saw that the swing seat was too high for him to get in by himself. So, he said, “Help me.” Gwen beat me to him to lift his little body up onto the swing.

He got in the swing and then it happened.

Gwen pushed him and with one push, Bennett yelled out, “I so happy.” 

It wasn’t perfect English, mind you. But, it was perfect heart talk, wasn’t it? The heart knows and does not lie to us about how we are really doing, if we listen to ourselves.

I mean look at his face in the picture. Gwen took the picture of Bennett within seconds of his first push. She captured Bennett’s happiness.  What an image of happiness—don’t you think?

It took one push—to connect his heart with his mouth: “I so happy.”  I can still hear him say it as I write this. “I so happy.” Bennett deeply moved me that day and I don’t think I’ll ever forget that moment—I hope I won’t.

Bennett exclaiming the state of his soul, got me thinking about the state of my soul—the state of your soul. 

How long has it been since you have said, “I’m so happy” and used better English than Bennett did?

Let’s see, how can I ask this of us:  If you picked a number between 1-10 and 10 was “so happy,” what number would you give yourself? Go ahead. Before you read on and read my poem—give yourself a number. Take a breath. Inhale slowly and exhale slowly and see what number best describes your happiness meter.  What is it?

(Here’s an exercise I did with Peter Ivey where we offer you several key words and terms to describe the State of Your Soul. You may want to try this and you can download a copy to make unlimited copies if you’d like as well. Get it here! )

Some of us come from faith and families where we were taught happiness is not the goal. Another word is offered that, well—may be—well, “biblical.” Instead of describing oneself as “happy,” you may have been told to use the word “joy” or “contentment.”  But since Bennett used the word “happy” and he has authority in my life these days, I’ll use the word he pulled out of his heart. 

Is Happiness Circumstantial?

Last night, I met friends for dinner at a local Mexican restaurant. It was a planning meeting to outline the fall topics for our Sunday School class in church. It was a warm evening and we gathered in a great place to talk and share. We needed to outline three months of topics and put dates with these topics—then we’d be set.

September was easy to plan.

October was also easy to come up with topics to explore.

But, when we started talking about topics for November, the mood of our table shifted from fun and joking to subdued, serious and somber. The joy of the margaritas escaped our table into thin air.  There were no swings for any of us to swing and sing our hearts out. And there was no happiness—none at all around our table. We were all serious, subdued and somber. It was a remarkable shift in mood that I noted—as we all did. None of us were happy about the upcoming election.

Happiness, for many of us, may have dried up. The circumstances of our lives might have altered so much that happiness might not even seem to be an option worthy to consider any more. Maybe happiness is a season thing. I get that. I know that feeling as well.

Happiness can be alike a morning cloud—one moment it’s there and then next, puff—just like that—it’s gone. The next phone call could bring hard news—puff—it’s gone. The next text might bring a disturbing insight or an announcement you least wanted to hear. You day is ruined. Your life is ruined.

To sustain happiness, joy—contentment, is that which philosophers and poets have written about for centuries.  But when Bennett, threw his blond hair back on that swing and just let out a cry of joy from his soul: “I so happy”—it made me think. Perhaps, happiness and the pursuit of happiness is not so difficult after all. Maybe all it takes is a swing.  That’s all it seemed to take for Bennett.

In Search of Swings

But, what is your swing? What is mine? What would make you happy?

With everything happening in our world, is it even “right” to pursue happiness when most are struggling to survive? It’s a legitimate question. But Bennett did not consider that it seems when he was on the swing. But he was only 2 1/2. Maybe age has a way of changing how we view happiness.

If you’re looking for something good to watch on TV these days. I’d recommend the wonderful documentary about finding happiness. The producers did a fabulous job in studying the life of different people in different cultures to determine what makes a person happy. It’s worth your time. Here’s the link.

One friend emailed me this week that he was giving up alcohol for the summer because he had realized he had been drinking too much. He wasn’t happy about it. He was going to pursue happiness in another way than he had for the past year or so. Is there a food or drink you associate with happiness?

Another friend said, “I’m going to my happy place.” When I asked where that was, she said, “The beach, of course.”

The poet Jack Gilbert has offered us a brilliant and moving poem which I want to quote in full for you to read. There’s so much in this poem and the poem speaks for itself. See what you think. It’s remarkable and profound and I use this poem often with people these days. I think you’ll understand why:

A Brief for the Defense

by Jack Gilbert

Sorrow everywhere. Slaughter everywhere. If babies
are not starving someplace, they are starvingsomewhere else. 
With flies in their nostrils.
But we enjoy our lives because that's what God wants.
Otherwise the mornings before summer dawn would notbe made so fine. 
The Bengal tiger would notbe fashioned so miraculously well. 
The poor women at the fountain are laughing together between the suffering they have known and the awfulness in their future, smiling and laughing while somebody in the village is very sick. 
There is laughterevery day in the terrible streets of Calcutta,and the women laugh in the cages of Bombay.
If we deny our happiness, resist our satisfaction,we lessen the importance of their deprivation.
We must risk delight. 
We can do without pleasure,but not delight. Not enjoyment. 
We must have the stubbornness to accept our gladness in the ruthlessfurnace of this world. 
To make injustice the only measure of our attention is to praise the Devil.
If the locomotive of the Lord runs us down, we should give thanks that the end had magnitude.
We must admit there will be music despite everything.
We stand at the prow again of a small ship anchored late at night in the tiny port looking over to the sleeping island: the waterfront is three shuttered cafés and one naked light burning.
To hear the faint sound of oars in the silence as a rowboatcomes slowly out and then goes back is truly worthall the years of sorrow that are to come.

The line, “risk delight” is perhaps, close to the “pursuit of happiness.” How does this strike you? You can decide and for each of us individually, we have to decide what will bring us delight, happiness and joy.

(Here's a podcast where I read Gilbert's poem and discuss it with Roger Housden, one of my favorite compilers of poems and books on poetry.)

When Bennett sat on that swing and Gwen pulled his swing back and back, some more and then let go—his little body sailed up, up and up some more and that’s all it took.

“I so happy!”

With one push of the swing, it was the risk of delight that made his soul sing and mine as well.

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Here’s my poem about where I’m trying to offer you this entire experience in some short, sweet lines. Lines which paint a picture of happiness and delight. My poem is about Bennett’s experience and what it did in me to hear his say, “I so happy.” Maybe it’s one of those times, you would have had to be there to really “get” it—but I doubt it. See what the poem stirs in you or Jack Gilbert’s poem and leave a comment. I’d be so grateful.