Questions for My Soul

The Spiritual Journey of Becoming Ourselves

Photo by Lisa Cope on Unsplash

Embracing who we really are is a core foundation of our spiritual journey. Call it self-knowledge, true self, being the Beloved—choose what language you like, this is the pilgrimage of our lives. All of us are looking for love and looking to be loved.

Many questions arise for all of us along this way. From the insecurities of middle school; to trying own various selves until one finally fits like velcro and we can own with a reasonable degree of certainity, our true self evolves over time and through time, we become what was intended for us to become.

One of my favorite prayers was written by the Danish Theologian and philospher, Soren Kirkegaard. He prayed,

“And now, Lord, with your help, I shall become myself.”

It takes more an an ounce of courage to say these words with meaning. But, to be convicted of these words is the “working out of our salvation” as the Apostle Paul tells us that, we all must do.

The spiritual writer, Henri Nouwen has said, “We are the Beloved. But we spend the rest of our lives becoming the beloved.” I am a witness to these words. I have tried to teach these words countless times to both small and large audiences…but in the end, these words cannot be taught. You, too must become a witness to these words. By become a witness, I mean, you must observe them; parse them, know them, own them and finally wear them until they fit like a glove on your marvelously and fearfully made hand.

Soul work is the work to own our true identity. I met last week with a 38 year old man who was strong in stature but weak in heart. He came anxious, depressed; heavily medicated and unsure of himself. In our second session, I offered him the spiritual lexicon which he said he had never, ever heard in his whole life. I told him he was the Beloved of God.

I saw his resistance to this Divine Truth. This core message rolled off his broad shoulders and down on the the floor. He said his own father had never told him he loved him. He said, his own father had never shown up for a single game watching his play high school sports. He said, his father was verbally abusive and emotionally distant. His eyes filled with tears as he told me of the deficit in this heart—somehting about feeling as if he had a hole in his heart which nothing could plug; nothing could fill. Simply put, he had no velcro in his gut for this message to stick.

As the conversation continued, I told him again, ‘You are the Beloved of God.’ And I said it again— “Jim, you are the beloved of God.” This time, he softened right infront of me. His countenance changed. He leaned forward in his chair and I said it again, ‘You are the Beloved of God.’ This time, I asked him where he felt these words rest in his body. He said, “In my gut.” Until we know who we are in our gut, we can never make sense of our lives. Amassing money can help here. Storing up trophies doesn’t help here. Only knowing who we are in the gut—the place of our soul inside of us all, will we ever find the love we are all looking for on this blue Earth.

I spoke Nouwen’s words to him about “being” and “becoming” the Beloved and it made since to him. Our shared journey now, will be about his becoming who he really is, at 38 years of age.

Whether we are 8, 38 or 88, this is the journey we all must take. It was the journey that Jesus, himself took when at 33, he stood in a fresh water lake and heard the Voice telling him who he was: “You are my beloved son—the delight of my life—the one I’m so in love with.” What’s so interesting is that God told him who he was several times—not just once. It is as if, even Jesus needed the re-enforcing truth heard time and time again. Why? Because the voices of the world jeer lies to us—tell us that we’re worthless—that we will never amount to anything.

I, too am becoming who I am. I wrote a new poem to find words that explore the many and myriad questions of my soul-perhaps of your soul too. This particular poem is the synthesis of hundreds of conversations I have with spiritual pilgrims whose path crossed mine. Since, I too, was born into a home where love was not spoken but only assumed, my journey became a zig-zagged path to live out my search for love, worth and belovedness. This poem tells the story my story and it is my hope that you might become a witness to this story as your own.