I Am Not a Machine

Understanding capacity as a baseline to live well

Welcome to all the new Subscribers! Many of you have found me here on Substack because of my NOTEs within Substack. I use NOTES as a place to put quotes, prayers, links to articles and short things I want to call our attention to remember and reflect upon in the Substack world. Thank you for coming further in to find me here. This entry is what I call my wheelhouse—it is the lane I am in these days to talk about soul care.

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Thanks for your attention. I want to talk with you about something I spend alot of time talking with others about: It is this—we are not machines. We are soul.

Photo by Dawid Zawiła on Unsplash

What is your capacity?  Before you answer that question regarding your work capacity; relational capacity; physical capacity; emotional capacity and spiritual capacity, let’s get the clear on what we mean by the word, “capacity.”

Capacity is about how much you can store and hold; how much you can do and perform; how much you can relate and empathize without becoming bitter or cynical and how much space you hold for your own spiritual life and the spiritual life of all forms of life in creation.

Remember the term, “high capacity leader.”  It was a term that was used and overused referring primarily to “how much” one person could accomplish. Books were written about it. Seminars were held about it and churches bought into the whole notion that everyone should be a “high capacity leader.”  It also resulted in hurt, disillusionment, toxic work environments and fractured management styles.

The under-belly of holding such a notion about people and leadership shapes people into machines and applauded for their ability to perform.

Human capacity is best understood chronologically—because one’s capacity changes with age. Human capacity is also best understood spiritually. We are not machines. We are soul.

We are spiritual beings having a physical experience. That’s not original with me. Dallas Willard told me this when I lived with him in a monastery for a month back in the 1990’s. It was then and there that everything changed for me. I changed when I realized, I was soul.

This is where our capacity needs to be talked about; needs to be monitored and needs to be shared a value to hold, not a seeing humans as cogs in the wheels.

Living with such a matrix taps people out, burns people up and drains the souls. Why? Because what is not talked about is this:

Is the pace; is the way that I am living now-- sustainable? We can not talk about capacity without also talking about our sustainability.  Many of us can “do” many things. That is not the question. The larger question is one about the wear and tear; the emotional thinness that  happens in one’s mental capacity to “hold” so many conflicting messages, events, multi-layered information coming at us in so many directions. How long can we live this way?

I use the word “capacity” in my everyday life to help me remember an inner guage—a sort of warning light in the dashboard of my soul. The warning light, like one in an automobile dashboard begins to flash when I am reaching my capacity.  My Capacity light goes off when I’m doing too many things; seeing too many people; tending to too many needs and trying to get more done all the time.

Flashing lights go off and wise is the person who not only notices the flashing lights but tends to one’s own soul. This is the care of the soul—to be aware of one’s own internal systems including: physical health; emotional capacity; relationship quota, vocational satisfaction and spiritual wellness. Every system is connected. All are related to each other. Think system, not silo. Think one soul with many parts—all needing attention and care.

Learning to pay attention to one’s own capacity is where you not only begin but it is where you learn to  read the dashboard often and regularly.

To help me pay attention to my own capacity, I developed an acronym using the word: C-A-P-A-C-I-T-Y.  Using this acronym, I have a sort of dashboard to notice, see and tend to my own soul. 

One must begin with one’s own soul in learning about capacity before one starts trying to help others do this work. If we don’t do our own soul care first, we will develop unhealthy patterns, succumb to internal addictions such a addition to our work; addiction to people; addiction to substances and praise.

Here’s my working acronym for CAPACITY. Use mine or make your own.

C-Care for myself. The genesis of all care begins with not just giving and giving, but learning to both give and receive; to engage and dis-engage.

A-Awareness.  Understanding how my own soul is inter-related; inter-connected and inter-dependent motivates me to care for what really matters in my life. Becoming more aware of my physical well begin will impact my spiritual well being and my relational well being. Everything is connected. There are no silos in the soul.

P-Prayerful. By this, I mean opening one’s own heart to more of a two-way conversation with the Creator… one where you both listen and talk. Wordless prayer is prayer. To begin each day with this prayer is such a great way to begin a day: “I am here. I am listening.” Then just be still for a few minutes. I am learning that all life is prayer and I do not need to divide my life into segments, categories and time-slots.

A-Awake.  By awake I mean, looking, noticing, paying attention to both your inner world and your outer world. I’m so sorry that the word “awake” has been hijacked and politicized. It is a word that Jesus, himself, used often in his conversations with people—something he told us to do—to stay awake. To remain awake.

C-Cadence. Cadence is about the speed of your life. It is about being mindful of your hurry, scurry and hamster-wheel living syndrome that many of us are familiar with these days. Cadence honors that we do not live according to internal gears—always living in fifth gear and always on “fast.” Cadence is about embracing slow time; quality time and quantity time. Cadence is about rhythm. There is a rhythm to the soul that the soul needs to be well and live well. To violate the rhythm is the beginning of our human malfunction. The soul is imprinted with a sacred rhythm.

I-Internal Weather.  Noticing one’s internal weather is taking a moment each day to let your inner radar do a scope of your whole soul and just see what get’s lit; what get’s noticed; what you may need to pay attention to.  It goes like this: When I look at my internal radar right now, here’s what I see: I feel a bit anxious about the election. I miss my grandchildren. I ate too much last night. I want time to walk in the forest today. 

That’s it. It is not therapy. It is learning to pay attention to how one is doing with what one is doing.

T-Togetherness. For life to be good, life must be shared. We’re not created to live solo. So, honoring life-giving friends; limiting time with life-draining friends; laughing more with fun people; sharing your life with a few people who are like minded and live with the same values as you is vitally important.  I need a “together” time regularly with my life giving friend. 

Y-YOU and THOU---by this I mean, living out my life with a FEW other people and giving up my FOMO—”Fear Of Missing Out” and honoring the presence of my friends who are more than friends---they are my “THOUS”. They are my holy friends whom I see the Holy in them and I honor them. I do feel that we simply cannot have capacity to have this kind of I/Thou relationship with more than just a very, small number of individuals. Think trinity—not small group. Think micro-not macro. Think 2-3 people at the most that you want to live out this kind of relationship.

Now, you do it. Take a piece of paper and write the word “CAPACITY’ in a way that you could build your own way to remember this important word and concept. Refer to it often. Share with someone you want to have a good conversation with over coffee or lunch. Go on… try it. Dive in! And maybe, leave one of acrocitic letters in the comments. That way, we can benefit from one another.

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I want to share with those of you a poem that I wrote. It’s a poem that helps us explore much of what I have just said above but in a different way. Poems are portals for us to look both in and out. They contain a slanted way of looking at the same truth that an article might offer us but in less words but with more dimensions, metaphors and intrigue. Poems invite the right brain to join the left brain to not just assimilarte information but to digest what we are reading deep within us—deep into our very soul—that place where everything connects.

On Subtack, here’s where I place a dividing line though. To read my own poems, you need to become a bit more committed than a “free subscriber.” You’ll need to invest a bit. Why? Because your investment puts wind into my sail. I’m movtivated to keep sharing my own journey with you and to offer you insights, hopefully some wisdom and bread for our journey together. Thanks for your consideration. If you want to step up and in, then click here: