Finding Wisdom and Becoming a Sage

How Mentoring Makes all the Difference in the World and in the Soul

Forgive me please but some really important news and developments:

First, some very important news. The all new “3C Group” is now beginning and open for registrations. For more information, read about it here:

To Register for the new 3 C Group, please click here.

https://www.pottersinn.com/bookstore/3c-group

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Now, here’s what I want to talk with you about this week and share a brand new poem as well…. I want to talk about mentoring. Being one, searching for one and becoming one. This is what on my mind and heart to share and I’m so glad to put this into words for you here:

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Photo by Gilles Roux on Unsplash

Like some of you, I have been fortunate to have enjoyed life giving relationships with men and women who have guided me; stretched out their hands and called me forward.  As I look back on my life, career, marriage, parenting and ministry, there is no way on God’s green earth that I could have found my way forward without the help of trusted, wise voices who let me ask my questions; hold me up when I wanted to sit down and encouraged me to climb through walls when I felt as if I was in a cul de sac rather than pathway inviting me onward and upward.

I am speaking of mentors. I am describing persons who you come across your life that see you and listen to you. It’s not a program. It’s not a course. It is a way of living to be and become a mentor. I am writing about how the human heart needs someone else to help us on this incredible journey of life.

In recent weeks, I’ve felt interested to trace my life backwards to recall the men and women, many now passed. who stood with me and help show me the way.  Some of my mentors have been literary and ones who lived in centuries long ago. I found them in books, poems, sermons, and art. But I was indeed fortunate to have tasted the water offered me by others who let down their buckets into the deep wells of life and brought up water for me to drink—water that  gave me life, hope and wisdom.

The author and priest, Richard Rohr has written, “We long for believable mentors on every stage of our journey. In Western culture and even in the Christian tradition, we have few guides to lead us deeply into life’s full journey. We have almost no mentors who have been there themselves and who have come back to guide us through. Of course, there are many bosses, ministers, coaches, and teachers who will happily tell younger people how to “fix” their problems, so they can be “normal” again, but a true mentor guides people into their problems and through them. It feels a bit messy and wild, but also wonderful in some way. A wise mentor leads someone to their own center and to the Center, but by circuitous paths, using their two steps backward to lead them three steps forward. It may look unproductive, but it is really the wisdom path of God.”

Richard Rohr has written down for us and described one of the most needed; most essential and most desired relationships we can imagine and then have. If I were you, I cut his words out and place them in a space, you can refer to often; pray for if you want a mentor and sharpen your focus if you are a mentor.

Here’s a way to help you look back and find your mentors:

Take a moment and draw a linear, horizontal time line of your life from birth to present—a horizontal line going across the width of a page in our journal or paper. Then mark a vertical line of life, a marker for every  5-10 years of your life beginning at age 5. Some of us may have 10, even 20 markers showing 5 year increments of our lives. Put a vertical, short line across your life time line for each age span. Then place the names of people who you would call “mentor” at each stage and phase of our life. Use “mentor” as Rohr describes them.  See what your time line reveals. Are their similar voices, people, genders or groups of people that your own mentors reveal? If you’d like, do yours and then share your own timeline of Mentors with someone else and see what stirs up in the sharing. I think you’ll find great meaning and benefit in doing this exercise.

What insights did you discover? Any surprises?

Most of my own mentors have passed off the pages of a timeline and they are enjoying the Eternity, we so often talked about. But this week, I met with a woman who is ten years my senior. I’ve had numerous conversations with her about life, faith, aging and health. She is wise, a great listener and has an inquiring mind towards me. She asks me questions. I ask her questions. She waits for me to respond. She does not fill in the blank space as I think, ponder, groan and pray. Often, we share silence. Often we share the fruits of our solitude. She simply comes along side of me and is WITH me.  She is more than a spiritual director. She is more than a pastor. She is more than a friend. She is a mentor and I had my wits about me to text her as I was on the plane flying home yesterday after my visit with her to thank her for her time—that single commodity of value that mentor does not measure.

As we age in our lives, I think the role we most need to assume in life is that of mentor. Accepting our own widsom—that we do have anything to offer at all, is a healthy sign of aging well—and becoming a mentor. We surrender our titles and name tags of position, power and prestige for the humble space of mentor. We become heart friends in a way because we find that it is in the heart that we both are discovered, found and validated. As we own our age; own our sageness and own any wisdom we have to give away, it is this one role of mentor that can refresh us as we age and live our lives of purpose. If we help one person find their way, then isn’t this a life worth living? I think so indeed! Yes! The answer is absolutely YES!

I’ve had many jobs in my career:

-Pastor of an old historic suburban church.

-Church planter in Europe staring an international, vibrant faith community with over 50 nationalities on weekends. This was in The Hague, the Netherlands.

-A mega-pastor in the making of an exploding, largest, denominational church in town kind of ethos.

-An inter-denomational church planter when I left the Baptist denomination, took my tie off. Majored on the essentials and let the minor things go by the way side.

-A pioneer in Soul Care ministry, founding Potter’s Inn in 2000 with Gwen.

-A writer where I needed editors, publishers and voices to help me find my own voice.

-A spiritual director at present.

But the one common aspect of each of my jobs, as I now look back on it is this: In each job, I had a mentor and I was a mentor. Along my vocational path; along my marriage journey, at critical junctures in my parenting; at my beginnings as a  writer and speaker, I had a mentor and I was a mentor. This has made all the difference. I would not, could not be who I am today without both having a mentor and being a mentor.

In  my on-going ministry now in spiritual direction, I am keenly aware that my role is not only one of listening but also of speaking into the souls of the person I am with in our time together. There is a an exchange of thought, ideas, silence and heart beat. In these times, I am truly “for” that person. I am for their well-being. I am for their progress. I am for their heart. I am for their soul. I am for their humanity.

At one critical stage of my life, Dallas Willard was my mentor. I spent weeks with him living in a monastery and in the time since, until his death, we were in touch and spoke and he always encouraged me to keep coming forward. He graciously endorsed my book, The Jesus Life, with such a glowing endorsement that I was humbled and indebted to him for his kindness, goodness and generosity. At one point, Dallas placed his hands on my heart and said a blessing into me. His words found a deep place in me that I will treasure until I die. He was for me in a way I needed, wanted and treasured. Every since that time, I have wanted to do for others what Dallas did for me: To give what I have to someone who wants it and needs it. This is mentoring. This is the way to live and love well in this time.

I never met Mary Oliver but her words met me. In her words of poetry I have found a mentor who is wise beyond words and an translator of the inner world to my curious soul. I never met Henri Nouwen but his words met me also. I have read every book and often I read him daily as a light in this very dark world. When it comes to mentors, here’s the thing: find someone who knows the landscape of the soul and the world and read them, trust them, and follow them. There are many other voices who have spoken into me—some from afar but others in their presence and generosity of heart.

Not all mentors are old. In strange and unexpected ways, I am now most mentored by my grandchildren—14 voices of love and light and belonging. They all help me find my way home.

Mentors come through the doors of our lives in the most unexpected ways. I think the key to find one is simply this: Become Aware of the One who is before you and simply bow.

Here’s my poem I have written to now share about mentoring—about being a wisdom seeker and about giving away any water I find along the way of life. I hope you might enjoy it.